When Self-Praise Meets Self-Learning: A Satirical Guide to Algorithmic Self-Promotion
It used to be enough for the local mayor to plaster his name on every streetlight. Now, with AI at your fingertips, “epal” has evolved into a 24/7 marketing machine. Before you know it, your barangay’s chatbot is trumpeting your every “achievement.” Here’s how epal goes digital—and how to avoid becoming one yourself.
What Is “Epal”?
In Filipino slang, an epal is someone who inserts themselves into every project and photo op, clamoring for credit, even when they had nothing to do with the work.
Typical epal moves include:
- Name-plated hospital halls built with national funds
- “Sponsored by” banners on barangay clean-ups that saw zero attendance from the office
- Political ads slapped on public utility vehicles
The Biblical Reminder…Twisted
“Do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing” (Matthew 6:3). A true servant leader keeps good deeds quiet. An epal? They’ll tell their left hand, their right hand, and their AI-driven chatbot—everybody must know it was them.
Why Epal Remains Epal
- Attention Economy: Votes are clicks, and clicks need branding.
- Instant Metrics: Likes, shares, and retweets feel more tangible than policy wins.
- Data Harvesting: Every “Thank you, Hon. So-and-So” comment trains AI to target your next billboard.
- Publicity Is Publicity: Free airtime—good or bad—is still airtime. Why not grab every headline? (See “In the Age of AI, Bad Publicity” for how even scandal can become viral PR.)
AI-Driven Epal Tactics
- Chatbot Campaigns Your barangay chatbot gushes about “Mayor AI-approved flood relief” every time it detects the word “rain.”
- Deepfake Thank-You Clips AI stitches together video of the councilor shaking hands at every street corner—even the ones he never visited.
- Auto-Generated Brag Reports Monthly “Impact Reports” auto-email residents with personalized stats showing how many trees “you” planted.
- Life-Event Takeovers Birthdays, graduations, weddings—even funerals—there’s always time for an AI-curated shout-out from your favorite public official.
How to Spot an AI-Powered Epal
- A sudden flood of “Did you know?” posts with your official’s face stamped over community-created art
- Voice-assistant announcements in the public market: “Hello, it’s your Mayor reminding you…”
- Sponsored search results that redirect every “barangay help” query to a politician’s website
- AI-generated filter frames on selfie apps: “I helped feed 1,000 families!”
How Not to Be Epal in an AI World
- Credit the Contributors: Let AI highlight community volunteers before tagging officeholders.
- Limit the Self-Promos: Automate service updates without slapping your face on every graphic.
- Embrace Quiet AI: Use algorithms to optimize services—traffic flow, waste collection—without a nameplate on every map pin.
- Follow the True Spirit of Matthew 6:3: Automate good deeds, but keep the praise off the record.
What’s In It for You, Epal?
Ah, yes—the Holy Trinity of Epaldom: Me, Myself, and I.
Why slave over actual governance when AI can print tarpaulins, schedule courtesy calls, and generate “impact” graphics overnight? For the epal, it’s simple math: minimal effort + maximum exposure = political ROI.
Public funds? Just the medium. The true motive is the golden trifecta:
- Money from padded contracts and poster-friendly “projects”
- Fame earned not through service but through strategic selfies
- Glory recycled every election cycle, AI-boosted for virality
The epal doesn’t care if they helped or just held the ribbon—so long as the camera caught it. AI just made it easier to watermark the moment and claim the milestone. In the epal economy, visibility is credibility.
🔥 Final Thought
AI can amplify our best intentions—or magnify our vanity. In a democracy full of unfunny epal jokes, let’s use AI to serve, not to self-serve. After all, real leadership doesn’t need a logo or an AI chatbot to brag about it.
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